People meet in rooms (stick with me – I am going somewhere with this…)

Traditional rooms are found in buildings. Safe places for men and women to meet have always included ballrooms, coffee shops, bars, book stores, classrooms, and concert venues. These rooms all have four walls, usually two or more doors, any number of windows, and a ceiling. Non traditional rooms are found outside, at beaches, forests, playgrounds, ski resorts, and parks, where the walls are made of trees or rocks, and the ceiling is the sky. But now, the human race has found a whole new category of rooms in which to meet, found in a place where there are no walls or ceilings, and everyone can be as visible, or invisible, as they please.

Chatrooms, Social networking sites

Cyberspace, an infinite room, where beautiful moments come to pass with every passing minute. Don’t be left out. Click, and you’re there.

There are Bell Curves for Everything

Human beings are social animals. We need to connect with each other for many reasons, including fun, stimulation, building a business, building a network of friends, creating family, and…oh…and let’s not forget about sex. In order to begin a safe and fulfilling online dating experience, let’s study one basic idea, the “Bell Curve,”and put it to use. Human qualities are measured by intelligence, physical strength, beauty, weight, height, health, sex drive, et cetera. No two men or women are equal in any of these factors, which come in endless and fascinating combinations. The problem with dating is to find a person who is compatible along at least three basic measurements. Here is a simple technique to quickly sort through the endless number of men and women floating through cyberspace, searching.

Three Questions

Identify three things that you love to do the most, and make them as specific as possible. To say “Sports, Movies and Rock and Roll” is too vague to give you a chance to identify your special someone. Be brutally honest with yourself and develop three questions which are sure to weed out mostpeople, but will identify that someone who will be special to you. To wit:

• Do you like cricket?
• Do you like Woody Allen movies?
• Do you like the Stones?

Online meetings, like writing, need attention to detail, careful planning, and, at the critical moment, the ability to let go and run, free as an Arabian stallion on a mysterious beach! Craft your online dating style to your own most unique and wonderful qualities, and that will show you off at your best. If you don’t try to appeal to all, you increase your chances to appeal to the “one and only” who will be most special to you.

Break the ice…
Remember, this isn’t an in-person conversation where you can rely on visual cues to help you know what to say, but that’s exactly what you may want this to turn into, and wouldn’t it be nice to already have a conversation started if you should ever meet this person? So first approach the prospect with the intention to introduce yourself and make that other person laugh or smile. Tell him/her your name, especially your nickname if you have one, and mention something about yourself. This doesn’t have to be a novel, but you’ll want to mention things about yourself that make you stand out. For example, tell the other member a favorite memory that you have from one of your hobbies, not just a hobby that you like. This makes you instantly more personable than just listing off a bunch of things you like to do.

Try something like, “Hi! My name is Andy. I noticed on your profile that you like hiking. Have you ever done Mt. Quandry? Last time I hiked there we saw a herd of mountain goats. It was so amazing!….”

By approaching the member in this way you’ve done several things. First, you’ve given yourself a more personal greeting than your full name. You’ve established some small level of intimacy. Then, you’ve asked a question, which will make it much more likely for the member to respond. Lastly, you’ve told a story and instantly made yourself seem like a real person that has real memories and fun things to share. At the same time you’ve kept a very positive tone and discussed a hobby, something that you may have in common with this other person, and that maybe you could do together some day.

Break the ice…

Remember, this isn’t an in-person conversation where you can rely on visual cues to help you know what to say, but that’s exactly what you may want this to turn into, and wouldn’t it be nice to already have a conversation started if you should ever meet this person? So first approach the prospect with the intention to introduce yourself and make that other person laugh or smile. Tell him/her your name, especially your nickname if you have one, and mention something about yourself. This doesn’t have to be a novel, but you’ll want to mention things about yourself that make you stand out. For example, tell the other member a favorite memory that you have from one of your hobbies, not just a hobby that you like. This makes you instantly more personable than just listing off a bunch of things you like to do.

Try something like, “Hi! My name is Andy. I noticed on your profile that you like hiking. Have you ever done Mt. Quandry? Last time I hiked there we saw a herd of mountain goats. It was so amazing!….”

By approaching the member in this way you’ve done several things. First, you’ve given yourself a more personal greeting than your full name. You’ve established some small level of intimacy. Then, you’ve asked a question, which will make it much more likely for the member to respond. Lastly, you’ve told a story and instantly made yourself seem like a real person that has real memories and fun things to share. At the same time you’ve kept a very positive tone and discussed a hobby, something that you may have in common with this other person, and that maybe you could do together some day.

The important word in the phrase “good flirt” is “good“. The best flirts make others feel good about themselves. Flirtation, when it comes down to it, consists basically of a series of back-and-forth compliments. This warms the heart and makes a person feel special. To be picked out and made to feel that you are interesting and attractive is a very large compliment indeed.

Some societies, such as the American South, have had flirtation as part of the social contract for centuries. Calling a woman “ma’am” and presenting her with flowery compliments, or calling a man “Sir“, and doing the same, hearkens back to the days of Chivalry. Think of the wonderful dialogue in movies like “Gone With the Wind“, or “The Count of Monte Cristo“, for example, and you will get the idea; just modernize the words a bit.

How can you master flirting? Practice! Sit in front of a mirror and pretend. Practice with your eyes first. Practice a friendly, direct stare. Being able to look someone square in the face is essential for a successful flirt. Practice smiling with your eyes, shifting your gaze away and back to the mirror, widen them with surprise.

Practice smiling. Try a shy little smile, a big happy smile, a smile that conveys that you are surprised or interested. Remember, you aren’t perfecting facial expressions to look dramatic, but to look natural and sincere.

A good way to practice what you want to say is to do it with a friend. This may feel a bit embarrassing, but after while, it will give you the confidence to know the right things to say. After a while you will begin to have fun, and you can get good ideas from each other about what sounds flirty and fine.

Practice starting a conversation. Observe your target and see what you can learn about them. If you encounter someone at a concert, play, or movie, you have a built-in subject. Ask them a question that will lead into a natural conversation. Let the person talk and learn all you can about them.

Remember your compliments! Say something nice about their jewellery, or tie, or tennis game.

Some flirting rituals can dance of the head of a pin. These can be a game of wits, where each person says something a bit more provocative without going “over the line”. This is advanced stuff, and you shouldn’t attempt it unless you are sure of your flirting skills.

Don’t attempt flirting when you’ve had a bit too much to drink. Successful flirting depends on having your wits about you and having control of the situation.

Remember, every romance started on that first encounter; why not take the initiative with an interesting stranger and see what happens?

For those of us who are serious about finding a real connection, online dating is an efficient way to meet new people. The bars and clubs are filled with random party-goers with unknown intentions. In those environments, a similar taste in dance music is the only known commonality between people in attendance. When you are serious about meeting your romantic match, online dating allows you to explore a connection with someone that shares interests, values, and goals. This is very efficient for those of us who are too busy for nightly pub crawls. It is this efficiency that has lead to the popularity of online dating in South Africa for 18-50 year olds.

Online dating allows us to meet like-minded people. However, certain strategies will help cultivate a new connection with a potential soul mate. Some of us have anxieties about meeting new people. When reaching out to a love interest, making a good first impression is important.

Starting the Conversation

Good conversational skills will help you create a comfortable rapport. For a healthy connection, one must experience a mix of comfort and excitement. When conversations with a specific person continue for hours, a feeling of comfort emerges. However, our own excitement and anxiety can disrupt our natural conversational skills. Remind yourself that you are reaching out to someone that shares your goals. This will help with calming unnecessary and irrational fears.

Once the conversation begins, ask open-ended questions. You want to give your love interest the opportunity to express feelings. After opening up to you, the other person has invested in the relationship.

Conversely, try to talk about yourself as little as possible. Resist the urge to treat your conversation like an opportunity to communicate a verbal biography. We all want to be appreciated. However, you will be in a better position if you retain some mystery. After sharing so much, your partner will be curious about you. When this curiosity inspires questions, you can provide information about yourself in a more compelling way. Your partner will appreciate opening up and sharing with you.

Be Yourself

Most people want a partner with unique characteristics. When meeting someone new, many feel an urge to agree as much as possible. However, feel free to express differences that may emerge. Few online daters are seeking a partner that readily conforms to the opinions of others. If you are a match, your unique qualities will be appreciated despite potential differences. Comfortable and confident people fearlessly express their views when asked. If you remain true to your personality, you will project emotional stability and confidence. Most people find these qualities attractive.

Successful Relationships Prove the Effectiveness of Online Dating in South Africa for 18-50 Year Olds

People are making connections and starting relationships online. Their successes demonstrate this potential for others. If you are looking to meet your soul mate, consider finding someone with similar interests. Use sound conversational techniques to create a confident impression. In the end, you may find your better half.