When approaching another member of the site to make an initial connection keep in mind several key points. First, you want to appear excited to meet this new person, but not desperate. Also, you want to leave the other member with the desire to respond to your post. Have him/her reaching for the reply button immediately to get in contact with you. And, of course, be genuine in your expression of interest. Fake or shallow interest will be obvious to the other member. Here are some specific techniques to get you started:

Break the ice…

Remember, this isn’t an in-person conversation where you can rely on visual cues to help you know what to say, but that’s exactly what you may want this to turn into, and wouldn’t it be nice to already have a conversation started if you should ever meet this person? So first approach the prospect with the intention to introduce yourself and make that other person laugh or smile. Tell him/her your name, especially your nickname if you have one, and mention something about yourself. This doesn’t have to be a novel, but you’ll want to mention things about yourself that make you stand out. For example, tell the other member a favorite memory that you have from one of your hobbies, not just a hobby that you like. This makes you instantly more personable than just listing off a bunch of things you like to do.

Try something like, “Hi! My name is Andy. I noticed on your profile that you like hiking. Have you ever done Mt. Quandry? Last time I hiked there we saw a herd of mountain goats. It was so amazing!….”

By approaching the member in this way you’ve done several things. First, you’ve given yourself a more personal greeting than your full name. You’ve established some small level of intimacy. Then, you’ve asked a question, which will make it much more likely for the member to respond. Lastly, you’ve told a story and instantly made yourself seem like a real person that has real memories and fun things to share. At the same time you’ve kept a very positive tone and discussed a hobby, something that you may have in common with this other person, and that maybe you could do together some day.

It is absolutely possible to be a good flirt without being corny or cheesy. You can be a flirt without coming off as cheap or predatory. You can be a good flirt no matter your age, sexual orientation, or marital status.

The important word in the phrase “good flirt” is “good“. The best flirts make others feel good about themselves. Flirtation, when it comes down to it, consists basically of a series of back-and-forth compliments. This warms the heart and makes a person feel special. To be picked out and made to feel that you are interesting and attractive is a very large compliment indeed.

Some societies, such as the American South, have had flirtation as part of the social contract for centuries. Calling a woman “ma’am” and presenting her with flowery compliments, or calling a man “Sir“, and doing the same, hearkens back to the days of Chivalry. Think of the wonderful dialogue in movies like “Gone With the Wind“, or “The Count of Monte Cristo“, for example, and you will get the idea; just modernize the words a bit.

How can you master flirting? Practice! Sit in front of a mirror and pretend. Practice with your eyes first. Practice a friendly, direct stare. Being able to look someone square in the face is essential for a successful flirt. Practice smiling with your eyes, shifting your gaze away and back to the mirror, widen them with surprise.

Practice smiling. Try a shy little smile, a big happy smile, a smile that conveys that you are surprised or interested. Remember, you aren’t perfecting facial expressions to look dramatic, but to look natural and sincere.

A good way to practice what you want to say is to do it with a friend. This may feel a bit embarrassing, but after while, it will give you the confidence to know the right things to say. After a while you will begin to have fun, and you can get good ideas from each other about what sounds flirty and fine.

Practice starting a conversation. Observe your target and see what you can learn about them. If you encounter someone at a concert, play, or movie, you have a built-in subject. Ask them a question that will lead into a natural conversation. Let the person talk and learn all you can about them.

Remember your compliments! Say something nice about their jewellery, or tie, or tennis game.

Some flirting rituals can dance of the head of a pin. These can be a game of wits, where each person says something a bit more provocative without going “over the line”. This is advanced stuff, and you shouldn’t attempt it unless you are sure of your flirting skills.

Don’t attempt flirting when you’ve had a bit too much to drink. Successful flirting depends on having your wits about you and having control of the situation.

Remember, every romance started on that first encounter; why not take the initiative with an interesting stranger and see what happens?